Monday, September 17, 2012

Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Prov. 31:31

My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 7 years ago (in 2005).  My grandfather has taken care of her and the progression of the disease has been very slow.  She has always been good to take her meds and has pretty much stayed "healthy".  When we would see her she would know (or act like she knew us) she can't tell whose kids are whose but she knows they are hers! 

I thought if Pawpaw had to die before her that having the disease would kind of be a good thing, a blessing to her.  She could forget about the hurt, even if just for a minute.  But watching her grieve has been painful.  And I find myself wishing she could just remember.  Remember he was sick for 3 months, remember she was at his bedside, remember the funeral, remember the burial, remember the cemetery, remember SOMETHING!!  Something that says a new phase is starting, at 81, it's starting.  Here's what makes it hard... She knows something is different and everyday she tries to figure it out.  "Where is Lavon?"  We tell her he died and that shock comes across her face and she begins asking the hard questions.   And as comic relief I will share the funniest question, "Did I kill him?"  She wasn't being funny, but it was a question I didn't think she would ask!  She has asked: Why?  What happened to him? Was I there? He was a good man, why would the Lord take him? 

And now the questions have turned to the house, Where do I live?  Did you close the house down?  Did you lock it up?  Shouldn't I go home?  She breaks my heart when she says, "I never wanted to live this long to be a bother!"  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!  She is precious!  Not a bother.  I love her, I hate her heart is broken.  I hate that we can't mend the hurt!  I hate that she doesn't know where she is, when she is going home, or what is home to begin with.

I pray that she will enjoy her days with her kids and grandkids and great grandkids.  That somehow she will grasp the change, embrace it, except the love...she is so loved. 

I'm praying for her, my aunt & uncle, and my parents as they decide what the best way to care for her is!  May we all honor her well and bring a small ray of sunshine into her life.  For she has shown so brightly in ours!! 

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