Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. The thought intrigues you. Deep inside of you there is a hunger, a calling, to know God. To truly know Jesus Christ and the fellowship of the Spirit. You're not after more head knowledge -it's heart-to-heart intimacy you long for.That's just it. I feel like I know things but no intimacy. I WANT INTAMACY! I have a lot of faith. I believe in Jesus as God's only Son who came to take MY place and MY sin. And I even rejoice in the fact - but I want to feel something and I know feelings aren't everything – but they sure are good! But it's been a while since I've felt the Lord working in my life! So later she talks about something I find myself doing right now:
Yet a part of you hangs back. Exhausted, you wonder how to find the strength or time. Nurturing your spiritual life seems like one more duty - one more thing to add to a life that is spilling over with responsibilities.
It's almost as if you're standing on the bottom rung of a ladder that stretches up to heaven. Eager but daunted, you name the rungs with spiritual things you know you should do: study the Bible, pray, fellowship...
'He's up there somewhere,' you say, swaying slightly as you peer upward, uncertain how to begin or if you even want to attempt the long, dizzy climb. But to do nothing means you will miss what your heart already knows: There is more to this Christian walk than you've experienced. And you're just hungry enough - just desperate enough - to want it all.
I think I’m just hungry enough to find the answer!
...Perhaps you've felt the same way. You've known the Lord your whole life, and yet you haven't found the peace and fulfillment you've always longed for. So you've stepped up the pace, hoping that in offering more service, somehow you
will merit more love. You volunteer for everything: you sing in the choir,you teach Sunday school, you host Backyard Bible Club, you visit the nursing home weekly. And yet you find yourself staring into the night and wondering if this is all there is.
Or perhaps you've withdrawn from service. You've gone the route I've described above and frankly, you've had it. You've stopped volunteering, stopped saying yes. No one calls anymore. No one asks anymore. You're out of the loop and glad for it. And yet the peace and quiet holds no peace and quiet. The stillness hasn't led to the closer walk with God you'd hoped for, just a sense of resentment. Your heart feels leaden and cold. You go to church; you go through the motions of worship, then leave and go home the same. And at night, sometimes you wonder, "What is the good news? Can someone tell me? I can't remember."